This week has been one of the hardest weeks in a very long time. Even though it has been hard it has also been a strengthening time. I spent a good portion of the week tearing up in a split second, forcing myself out of bed in the AM, and barricading myself under my covers hoping life will stop or go back 2 weeks so I could make things change. I would go to work mooping around with no smile and no laugh. I tired so
hard to make myself feel better. I woke up reminding myself step by step what I needed to do in hopes that it would keep me going, but at about step 4 I gave up and gave in and went back to hiding under my covers. I didn't know what I needed to do or what I didn't need to do, I just knew how I felt and that was it.
Through a slew of worried friends and there compassionate words I was able to think a lot while I slept the other night. Then Thursday I actually had to get out of bed, shower, and look presentable because I was going to be working with AK Superintendents and I couldn't give them my story for sympathy...so I got out of bed head strong. Heading to Value Village with my little red-headed friend at 7AM I was reminded of my emotions through the simplicity of a song and then again later that day by meeting certain people. But I didn't have time to sit and ponder, I had to continue to smile thru it all, and after awhile the smile that I forced was back again where it normally it. I felt...like me.
Whether I am healed or not is not the concern. But the fact that I'm doing ok is a huge improvement for me right now. I may have been weak but I think it is my weakness where I find my strength. And it helps that others who have spent time to know me deeply, know how 'sad' is not a part of me. To experience that emotion, acknowledge it, and then now remove myself from it is such a blessing.
hard to make myself feel better. I woke up reminding myself step by step what I needed to do in hopes that it would keep me going, but at about step 4 I gave up and gave in and went back to hiding under my covers. I didn't know what I needed to do or what I didn't need to do, I just knew how I felt and that was it.
Through a slew of worried friends and there compassionate words I was able to think a lot while I slept the other night. Then Thursday I actually had to get out of bed, shower, and look presentable because I was going to be working with AK Superintendents and I couldn't give them my story for sympathy...so I got out of bed head strong. Heading to Value Village with my little red-headed friend at 7AM I was reminded of my emotions through the simplicity of a song and then again later that day by meeting certain people. But I didn't have time to sit and ponder, I had to continue to smile thru it all, and after awhile the smile that I forced was back again where it normally it. I felt...like me.
Whether I am healed or not is not the concern. But the fact that I'm doing ok is a huge improvement for me right now. I may have been weak but I think it is my weakness where I find my strength. And it helps that others who have spent time to know me deeply, know how 'sad' is not a part of me. To experience that emotion, acknowledge it, and then now remove myself from it is such a blessing.
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