These past few days have been hard and at times worth just letting go of God so that I personally could feel like I won. Thankfully God put some amazing women in my path to help me out!
About 6 months ago I wrote a letter and sent it to 6 women who I knew were steading in their walk with the Lord and their relationship with their significant other. I wrote the letters because I wanted faithful women to keep me accountable to my actions and true desires. How little did I know that God would use that as the BIGGEST encouragement that I needed. Three days ago I felt like giving up on that letter and on God completly. I wanted to take control of a situation that I knew no matter what, it wouldn't end the way I wanted it to and even more that God wanted it to. Aw man did I cry and ask God why, why would he allow such hurt and pain to my heart. I mean I hurt! I picked up the book 'Captivating' and began reading. The part I started to read was about the 'Fall of Eve' Now I want to write some parts of it and then explain it.
'The woman was convinced...convinced that God was holding out on her...convinced that she could not trust his heart toward her...convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands. And so she did...'[47]
'like Eve, so easily falling prey to the lies of our Enemy. Having forfeited our confidence in God, we believe that in order to have the life we want, we must take matters into our own hands. And we ache with an emptiness nothing seems able to fill' [49]
Pattern to my situation? I was convinced that God was holding out on me. Something that felt 'right' but really wasn't. I wanted to take this situation and make it so I won, I felt happy. Grant it, I didn't but I wanted to. Now comes the God part. Before this part they talked about our heart and how it is essential to our walk with God. And coming back to the basics I remembered a verse the AWANA girls had to learn:
Jeremiah 17:9
9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
My heart was not being guarded. I had a naked heart. Satan was using that to hinder what God knew I wanted to do most. I wanted to love Him to full compacity but was not sure how. At the moment two great women were there to help me along the way. So thankful for accountability and friends.
The Lord has taken the pain away a little more each day. I am still not there but I will be with Him standing still.
About 6 months ago I wrote a letter and sent it to 6 women who I knew were steading in their walk with the Lord and their relationship with their significant other. I wrote the letters because I wanted faithful women to keep me accountable to my actions and true desires. How little did I know that God would use that as the BIGGEST encouragement that I needed. Three days ago I felt like giving up on that letter and on God completly. I wanted to take control of a situation that I knew no matter what, it wouldn't end the way I wanted it to and even more that God wanted it to. Aw man did I cry and ask God why, why would he allow such hurt and pain to my heart. I mean I hurt! I picked up the book 'Captivating' and began reading. The part I started to read was about the 'Fall of Eve' Now I want to write some parts of it and then explain it.
'The woman was convinced...convinced that God was holding out on her...convinced that she could not trust his heart toward her...convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands. And so she did...'[47]
'like Eve, so easily falling prey to the lies of our Enemy. Having forfeited our confidence in God, we believe that in order to have the life we want, we must take matters into our own hands. And we ache with an emptiness nothing seems able to fill' [49]
Pattern to my situation? I was convinced that God was holding out on me. Something that felt 'right' but really wasn't. I wanted to take this situation and make it so I won, I felt happy. Grant it, I didn't but I wanted to. Now comes the God part. Before this part they talked about our heart and how it is essential to our walk with God. And coming back to the basics I remembered a verse the AWANA girls had to learn:
Jeremiah 17:9
9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
My heart was not being guarded. I had a naked heart. Satan was using that to hinder what God knew I wanted to do most. I wanted to love Him to full compacity but was not sure how. At the moment two great women were there to help me along the way. So thankful for accountability and friends.
The Lord has taken the pain away a little more each day. I am still not there but I will be with Him standing still.
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